Rocket Scientist student at AU tells press he’s stockpiling, selling Four Loko

Photo courtesy of
‘four loko’
courtesy of ‘ghostdad’

One has to admire how a student living in “dry” campus housing at American University would brag to the Washington Post about stockpiling the soon-to-be-banned Four Loko beverage and use his actual name and major.  That’s Greg Gerlach (see below, the Post’s identification may be incorrect), according to the article, a sophomore econ major from the class of 2013 (on the five year plan? That’s a surprise.) who’s stockpiling the beverage in advance of the ban.  What’s more fun is that from a little research, it appears that Gerlach (see below, the Post’s identification may be incorrect) has yet to reach the age where purchasing liquor is legal, as his birthday on social networking site Facebook is listed as 1990.

We asked if any of our authors had tried the controversial beverage, and one review was granted on the condition of anonymity:

“I bought Four Loko because I was interested in checking out what all the hype was about before they banned it. After trying it, I can see why they’ve started banning it and why they should continue to do so. It took me two hours to finish an entire can out of fear that the caffeine would be too much for me. I started things off slowly drinking the Loko from a plastic solo cup, one cup at a time. The entire can came out to about three solo cups. I wasn’t even half way through the first cup when the first rush of caffeine infused adrenaline came over my body. I felt invincible.

“I eventually passed out not due to the drink but due to physical exhaustion. My body ached for the entire next day. It was full-body hangover that wasn’t worth the crash and burn the drink put me through. Had I been a college freshman with access to this drink in my dorm not only would I have probably abused it because of it’s tasty flavors and the intense buzz but because I didn’t know any better. Kids shouldn’t be able to drink this. Hell, adults without proper supervision probably shouldn’t either. If one thing’s for certain this Four Loko is legit loco. Does it taste good? Heck yes. So be warned.”

While I have to wonder if banning this means we also have to ban Irish Coffee and Red Bull and Vodka, it’s interesting to hear about people drinking this stuff from a personal experience.

Updated, 12:50pm: A person claiming to be Gerlach has sent us an email, and we feel it’s best if we post it in full:

To whom it may concern-

There is a story about me on your website which is 100percent inaccurate. I was one of the kids with my friend buying the 4loko but was not the one buying them. I am not an Economics major, I am not 21 yes and my friend who was buying told the reporter he lived in the Avalon, I live on campus. I have already e-mailed the post, but I would strongly suggest you alter your story or remove it as I said none of this and was not even spoken to by the reporter except when he asked how we knew our friend being interviewed. If you would like more information please contact me and again I am very unhappy, as clearly this puts me in a negative light for something I did not even say.

Thank you

Gregory Gerlach

Updated, 1:20pm: Gerlach has confirmed his identity as an AU student. We have requested clarification from the authors at the Post, but have yet to talk with either of the authors of the original story.

I live and work in the District of Columbia. I write at We Love DC, a blog I helped start, I work at Technolutionary, a company I helped start, and I’m happy doing both. I enjoy watching baseball, cooking, and gardening. I grow a mean pepper, keep a clean scorebook, and wash the dishes when I’m done. Read Why I Love DC.

Facebook Twitter Flickr 

30 thoughts on “Rocket Scientist student at AU tells press he’s stockpiling, selling Four Loko”

  1. Gerlach’s not on the five year plan – he’s a sophomore…but he’s only 20. Bragging to the paper that he’s stockpiling booze as an underage kid: added reason for why he is an idiot.

  2. You would think if this guy was going to e-mail news sources he would at least work on his sentence structure.

    Someone please save America.

  3. To AU Student: And what is the reason that he is an idiot? I think the only idiots are the ones that use second-hand sources such as this damn blog for their information. Clearly you are no AU Student. Be in the KNOW.

  4. Well, one could say that his written correspondence was indicative that maybe he should be spending more time in English classes rather than on Four Loko runs.

    It’s also hard to call the Washington Post a Second-Hand Source when they’re the newspaper of record for the DC Area.

  5. Defender, really? You’re going to hit back with a WONK reference? Do they have “Tool WONK” shirts at AU too?

  7. No not really, I’d much rather wear a shirt that just says Tool instead of wearing one that supports a hugely misguided campaign to raise the awareness of AU for neo-liberal hipsters faux-revoluntary wannabes.

  8. At Tom Bridge:
    In no way am I calling the Washington Post a Second-hand source, I’m calling your blog second-hand.

    I learned in high school that you have to make sure your sources are legit before citing them… hmmm looks like someone didn’t do their research.

    … Don’t copy a source you don’t know is true just to create “Buzz.” Wow… what a writer…

  9. Sounds like someone is unfamiliar with the concept of “blogging.” And maybe like someone (else?) has only just recently become acquainted with the concept of “Google.”

  12. Well… so someone choose to stockpile Four Loko once in their life? How many is in a stockpile? Can you define that for me? I wasn’t there so I don’t know. You used the term, how many were there?

    And I am not sure the importance of “commenting and copying information from more prominent news sources” but it sure as hell is not an importance in my life.

  13. Wow Defender really does have more important things to do argue back and forth anonymously with a blogger.

    You can tell his seriousness by his technical ability to breaking down a previous post by each part and then belittling the poster with the typical argument expected of all text-book educated liberal hippie fake at AU – the general “Isn’t this what you said?”/”You said it, not me.” argument. Go Defender!

    And bonus points for his attempt at satirical rhetoric to come off as indifferent – simple back and forths on a blog… that’s *so* not worth his time.

  14. Via the Post:

    “”It’s amazing how people have come together around this,” said Greg Gerlach, an American University sophomore who has stockpiled more than 50 cans of Four Loko.”

  19. The fact that one if the sources for this article called four loko tasty discredits everything (and that entire description reads like someone who has never had an energy drink of any kind). It is the worst tasting drink in existence, but still damn fun. there is no reason to ban a drink that is combining two legally available substances, are you going to bam all energy drinks? If not then people can make their own four loko by just mixing at home.

    In conclusion, That’s my doom cloak!

  20. I must indeed konkur, it seems as thought the reporter who published this artikle may have made a mistake, as I strongly doubt that anybody would so stupid as to give their true information when admitting to an illegal akt.

    That being said, I do indeed believe that the impending ban on Four Loko is both unkonsitutional and morally korrupt. Denying the sitizenry a produkt that they obviously desire, merely on the basis that it is dangerous, is in itself a dangerous line of thought. What “Dangerous” product will the government ban next? Sugar has been linked to diabetis and the obesity epidemic, will soda be banned next? I believe that we as a kountry must now rise as one and stand up to this immoral and unkonstitutional ban. I pray the nation heed my kall to aktion

    DancesWithDoomKloaks

  21. If the can says Caffeine in BIG LETTERS maybe someone who is obviously allergic to caffeine won’t drink it. How can anyone pass out ,get so messed up on a small can of alcohol mixer with caffeine? Unless the person is allergic they are lying their face off. I’m not obese, and what, obese people revert to 5 year old …Jesus Christ this taking away a wine cooler because a few people pretend they are poisoned? Shame on the officials and wimpy adults with Hitler desires , we are being treated like fools.

  23. Yung Money is not very bright.. in fact the ban might actually help prevent him from continuing his retard ways. I’d just like to reiterate, “The Original Doom Kloak,” I doubt that anyone is aktually that stupid to admit to this illegal act. The publisher should watkh himself because libel is not something to joke about, espekially when this student attends a $50,000 a year skhool. I’m sure his parents would not apprekiate his name being tarnished because some lame blogger had nothing better to do than kreep on this kollege student.

  25. I agree with Epi Pledge and the Original Doom Clock. The man is trying to push us down. We should all just get high. Unless… you’re applying for a government job.

  26. The comments printed about the student are false. Nearly everything in the article is false – the student’s age – the student’s major – and the comments are all false. The bigger issue here should be the lack of journalistic integrity on the part of the Washington Post. They clearly have lied in order to get a good story. We should all be concerned about the news’ ability to lie and slander in order to make themselves more visible. Gone are the days of journalistic integrity and the Washington Post is a prime example of that. Shame on you for printing lies Washington Post.

  27. @S:

    What I find very interesting is that an article from AU’s own Eagle, from just three months ago, identified Gerlach as an Econ major:

    “Greg Gerlach and Sebastien Lundby-Thomas had been waiting in line since 5 p.m. “Magic comes up, and it goes down, “ said Gerlach, a criminal justice and economics double major in the School of Public Affairs and CAS, in between sips of Monster energy drink. ”

    From what I understand, Mr. Gerlach was due to have a meeting with the Post’s reporters who authored the original story, but to my knowledge that meeting has not yet happened. If they clear up a case of mistaken identity, we’ll be happy to report on that, as well.

    In the meantime, unless you were with Mr. Gerlach, or his supposed unidentified accomplice, it’s fascinating that you could call this “lying”.