‘@px with @TomGreenLive after the show at the Irvine Improv’
courtesy of ‘playerx’
If Dr. Ruth Jacobs’ incoherent discussion of the purposes of the anus wasn’t enough bum-talk for you today, I’ve got another one for you.
A new inmate security device is being tested in Maryland prisons. Invented after an offhanded remark by a corrections officer that their biggest security problem was “people hiding things up their rear ends,” I am astonished that nothing like this has been invented before. Called the Body Orifice Security Scanner (or BOSS, which is the best acronym ever for something like this), it’s a chair that the inmate sits in so that the machine can scan them for metal objects hidden in their bodies. Sometimes it’s something simple like keys hidden between the toes, but it can also find cellphones stashed in more intimate locations. How has it taken us this long to figure out how to non-invasively determine whether a more invasive search is needed?
And finally, if you’re wondering why I chose a photo of Tom Green for this entry, congratulations for having never been subjected to the song that you may watch below:
Tiffany Baxendell Bridge is an Internet enthusiast and an incurable smartass. When not heckling the neighborhood political scene on Twitter, she can be found goofing off with her ukulele, Bollywood dancing, or obsessing about cult TV. She is That Woman With the Baby In the Bar.
Tiffany lives in Brookland with her husband Tom, son Charlie, and two high-maintenance cats. Read why Tiffany loves DC.
I first encountered this chair, a worthy substitute to the “intimate reach,” when working at an engineering company about ten years ago. We were looking for something entirely different – maybe inductive sensing devices – and were immediately fascinate by this chair, which allows prisoners to get fingered virtually instead of actually. Of course, it does not eliminate cellmate contact of the nether regions and doesn’t keep you from getting bought and sold as someone’s bitch for a carton or two of smokes.
But at least it’s a step in the right direction.