“Hey Tiff, your assignment today, ” my boss said to me this morning, “is to use ‘Alfonso Soriano’ and ‘punk-ass bitch’ in the same sentence as many times as possible.”
“What happened?” my coworker asked. So we told him.
The Nationals want Soriano to play left field instead of second base, his usual position. So at an exhibition game, Soriano SITS ON HIS BITCH ASS and leaves left field empty, just to make a point. Because he’s a punk-ass bitch.
Of course, it should come as no surprise to anyone, since he started whining before he even reported to Spring Training. Because he’s a punk-ass bitch.
And you know, it wasn’t the wisest move on the part of the Nats to bring in NINE second basemen, because then you have to move people away from their preferred positions, but you know, maybe the other 8 second basement aren’t punk-ass bitches.
Now, you know I generally leave the sportswriting here at Metroblogging DC to Tom, William, and occasionally even Desert Island Boy. But Alfonso Soriano’s punk-ass bitch behavior gets a rise out of even me, casual baseball fan that I am. Just as entertaining as my assignment for the day is the Post’s take on it, in which the Style section asks HR consultants for advice on how the Nationals and the punk-ass bitch can reach agreement.
This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs
Tiffany Baxendell Bridge is an Internet enthusiast and an incurable smartass. When not heckling the neighborhood political scene on Twitter, she can be found goofing off with her ukulele, Bollywood dancing, or obsessing about cult TV. She is That Woman With the Baby In the Bar.
Tiffany lives in Brookland with her husband Tom, son Charlie, and two high-maintenance cats. Read why Tiffany loves DC.
