Say you’re a horny, yet pornography-deprived citizen in the DC Metro area, one who doesn’t have access to an Internet-connected computer at your place of residence or employment, and not lucky enough to work for the FBI Porn Squad.

While you could watch porn on the telly or hunt for your naked picture needs in the two racks of racks downtown, why actually pay for porn? You can porn-surf all you want at local area libraries.

Yes, my fellow sex-starved men, we are free to browse babes for boobs all day long in the District as well as Montgomery and Fairfax counties. DC has recessed computer screens that ensure donkey porn privacy and in Montgomery County, they’ll even give you a “privacy screen” if your boob-watching is too much for other patrons.

Best yet, while Fairfax County forbids the viewing of child pornography and obscene materials, “Libraries are not legally empowered to determine obscenity,” according to Fairfax library spokesperson Lois Kirkpatrick.

Oh, and no worries if two uniformed (yet unarmed) men with baseball caps emblazoned with “Homeland Security” start telling you that the viewing of Internet pornography is forbidden. Those two fools, part of Montgomery County’s Homeland Security Department, cannot enforce obscenity laws. When they tried to last week, they were rebuffed by librarians and real police, leading to this classic passage from the WashPost about the incident:

Later that afternoon, Montgomery County’s chief administrative officer, Bruce Romer, issued a statement calling the incident “unfortunate” and “regrettable” — two words that bureaucrats often deploy when things have gone awry. He said the officers had been reassigned to other duties.

“Reassigned to other duties”, eh? How about something actually to do with “Homeland Security”, like reading our mail.
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This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs