Spencer Hall from SBNation drew the lucky straw when it came to responding to the local football club’s sales department when they came knocking for DC-based Vox Media to purchase a suite at FedEx Field. While the entire letter is worth your time, here are the five best sections. And if you want to send Dan Snyder something for the burn, you can always send him a bottle of Solarcaine.

1. On the wisdom of making good pickups, Curbed and Eater might be strong purchases, but comparing them to a suite at FedEx? Yeah, about that… “This is why we bought fine websites with our money, and not a lease on a giant expensive concrete box overlooking 120 yards of pure sorrow in the barrens of suburban Maryland.”

2. When it comes time to slip into business-speak, the sales guy jumps right into the words “leverage,” “face time,” and “cultivate relationships.” On this, Hall is absolutely brutal: “What you want to say is this: “By showing you can afford a R******* suite, you display wealth and the confidence that others would think being at FedEx Field was a good decision, and that you were a person to make good decisions with in business.” And what part of watching the R******* over the past decade was a good idea, and displayed good judgment? This is a serious question asked in the face of a proposition that is flat barking insanity.”

3. When faced with the proposition of buying a suite for the last few weeks of this rolling dumpster fire of a season, or waiting until the Nationals take the field again, Hall is completely unequivocal: “Would you rather burn hundreds in an oil drum waiting for the Nats season to start? We would, and baseball doesn’t start for another four months.” The cost of burning hundreds to keep warm would be fairly substantial. The cost of buying a suite at FedEx would be mind-boggling, but mostly for the emotional costs, and what it would indicate about the sanity of your leadership.

4. But that leads us right to my favorite passage, “(At least burning money in an oil drum makes you warm, unlike the cold terror of watching Mike Shanahan dare his owner to fire him publicly.)” How bad has it gotten that we have a three-way hate-spiral here, and we’re rooting for a meteor to just wipe out the entire group? Between the Shanahans, Snyder, and the obligatory awfulness of the on-field product, I hardly know who I want to see just obliterated by a large heavenly body, and who I want to see barely crawling out of the wreckage.

5. And there to the final Thank-You-But-No: “Our problem would be watching the R****** play football. This is our optimal solution to the problem: not buying a suite, and thus avoiding the problem altogether.” While I’m sure it was a rough day for the sales team to hear that not only did the sports-focused DC-based successful dot com didn’t want a piece of their action, I do hope there’s a good bar cart in the corner so they could drink this one off.

Remember, run that burn under some cold water, and make sure to wrap the bandages loosely.

Poor tackling, special special teams, turnovers, penalties, questionable coaching calls, dropped passes, off target throws are all themes of Washington’s football season, and once again they were all part of the effort in today’s loss to Kansas City. I call it an effort because it does take some effort to look this bad. This morning an article came out detailing the schism between Shanahan and Snyder with Robert Griffin in the middle. Shanahan was ready to leave after the 2012 season but when it ended on a down note he didn’t want part of his legacy to be the coach that injured RGIII and so he stayed on and in great Shanahan fashion he has turned himself into a martyr caught between a prima dona quarterback and meddling owner.

McNabb and Haynesworth weren’t good acquisitions by the Redskins but they were both players Shanahan had no idea how to use, and when he started to have doubts about Fred Davis he alienated him as well. Shanahan’s biggest failing as a coach is he has a very strong idea of how things should be done and instead of coaching to a player’s talents he will alienate any player that has even the slightest misgivings about his methods.

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With shorter days and colder temperatures it gets harder and harder to motivate yourself to go outside and do anything considering all the napping, eating, and general lazing you could be doing inside a nice warm house or apartment. Luckily we have a few hardy souls amongst our photographical contributors who are willing to brave the elements and continue to document our fair city. That doesn’t give the rest of you a pass but as long as we have people picking up the slack we can let it slide. For now.

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Only two days of weekend? Feels like such a cheat after last week, and it doesn’t help that it looks like we’re going to get a ton of wet dumped on our heads Sunday. But we’re still going to get up to trouble, baby, and here’s what we have in mind.

Don: This weekend is family and festivities, even if those festivities are for someone who won’t understand them. Specifically for That Darned Baby, who is turning 1 and may need to start being referred to as That Darned Toddler. It’s more an event for us adults than for him and the other ankle biters, really, but either way it means prep and shenanigans. Mostly we’re doing our own baking but we’ve got one little guest coming with a serious egg allergy so we’re going to get him a vegan cupcake cakecup from Baked and Wired. We’re going to try to sneak in a visit to the Aurora Hills Women’s Club’s holiday boutique on Saturday morning before the Toddler Cakemessapalooza kick off. It’s our old neighborhood and we know someone involved in the planning but our major reason is they have the best hand-made to-order wreaths we’ve ever seen. With the weather looking craptacular the rest of the weekend will mean some indoor activities like museums or restaurants, or perhaps we’ll leave the boy with the parentals and go off for adult fun ourselves. I feel like there’s somewhere we could go get a drink on Sunday and maybe run into Fedward, but what’s the name of that place again? He mentions it so rarely.

Patrick: Friday I will be kicking off my weekend writing up my review of “Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner” over at Arena Stage. Saturday I’ll be getting decorating running costumes with Katie and Rebecca for Sunday’s Jingle All the Way 8K. I may be wearing red tight-like things on my legs. They count as pants right? After I struggle to run that morning I’ll be brunching over at Ping Pong Dim Sum with my Asian friends. Because that’s what Asians do right?

Paul: I’ve only got one thing on my mind this weekend: the DC Craft Bartender’s Guild Repeal Day Ball, or, more specifically, how to survive the Repeal Day Ball. Last year I narrowly escaped on my 8am flight the next morning with a torn suit, massive headache, and a disturbing void of memories. There was something about drinking vodka on the rocks with Tony Abou-Ganim (dude, my roommate still has your flask, BTW) then it all went downhill from there. This year I’m going to be smart, I’m going in prepared. No spending 20 minutes at the absinthe table or tasting flights of cask strength scotch (cheers Ewan!). Instead I signed up for prep work, so I’ll be busy juicing citrus (which is a great way to find out that you have little tiny cuts all over your hands that you otherwise wouldn’t notice), cutting ice and doing all the grunt work. Hopefully I’ll get some face time with you lovely attendees and won’t be spending the entire evening batching drinks behind closed doors. The idea of me working LUPEC DC’s table was bandied about, but the thought of all the drag and chest-shaving that would be necessary to fit in with the Ladies United for the Preservation of Endangered Cocktails seems a bit too steep a price for some much coveted floor time. Who knows? I’ve got two days to say goodbye to my young Burt Reynolds look.

Rachel: Another fun one ahead. Heading all the way out to Haymarket, VA to checkout the 4410 Open Mic which will feature my ukulele playing friend Louisa Hall on Friday night. Then Saturday, I’m heading to a holiday party in Rosslyn but if I can make it in time I’m gonna head on over to the Black Cat for the first-ever 9 Songwriter Series show featuring FULL BANDS. They’ve got a stacked line-up of local acts that you’d be foolish to miss.

Tom: CHRISTMAS TREE TIME! We’re headed up to Tastee Diner in Silver Spring, then up to Butler’s Orchard for to get us a Christmas Tree and a cider donut. It’s also our good pal Harris’ first birthday party this weekend, so we’ll be hanging in Arlington with the Whitesides to celebrate. Sunday I’m getting in the festive season with Falls Church Presbyterian’s Chancel Choir. After that, I may sneak down to the Downtown Holiday Market for some Christmas shopping, assuming we’re not all under a ton of snow by then.

Fedward: Like Paul, the Social Chair and I will also be doing our best to survive the Repeal Day Ball. Pro tip: weigh the length of the coat check line against the cold snap that will arrive right around the end of the party. This year, for the first time, the Social Chair will be working at the LUPEC table. I’ve been assured she’ll have some time to wander around and split some drinks with me, but I’ll have to be careful not to overdo it without my trusted companion.  Our other weekend plans are to get a Christmas tree at the annual Bancroft Elementary sale and to recover from the Ball. It goes without saying that the Passenger’s hangover brunch would cure what will almost certainly ail us, but it remains to be seen whether we’ll be able to make it out of the house.

Jenn: If you haven’t already figured it out, several of us at WLDC will be attending or working the DC Craft Bartenders Guild Repeal Day Ball this Saturday. Held at the historic (and mildly creepy, in that perfect old Victorian manse way) Hill Center at the Old Naval Hospital, this is the party’s 6th year, honoring the 80th anniversary of the repeal of Prohibition. Featuring some of the top bartenders in the city, with sparkling conversations fueled by cocktails galore, it’s always my favorite party. This year will feature two tables dedicated to LUPEC DC, our local chapter of the national women’s cocktail society. I’m very proud to be a founding member and will be there to help spread the word about women behind the bar. Attending a blast of a party Saturday night means Sunday looks quiet…but it also means Friday should be spent in training! Perhaps a visit to Daikaya’s upstairs bar to see what beverage director Lukas Smith can teach me about his phenomenal house made tonic (ah, wormwood!), or a plate of nettle pasta at Iron Gate‘s gorgeous carriageway bar (and trust me, talk to wine director Brent Kroll about some of his incredible wines). Who cares about wintry mix and foul weather? It’s looking to be a lovely weekend.

Rebecca: I’m trying to get my Holiday shopping wrapped up ASAP and with just a few items left I’m off to Union Market to grab a nice glass of wine from Righteous Cheese and peruse the offerings. Saturday I’ll be at Maddy’s Taproom on 13th (official Mizzou bar) to watch my beloved Tigers take on Auburn in the SEC Championship game. Great beer. Great food. Great atmosphere. Great teams. Should be an awesome game. Sunday I’m up early to don my Holiday Squirrel costume and run with Patrick, Katie and a bunch of weirdly decorated other friends at the Jingle All the Way 8K. We’ll be recovering post run with a boozy brunch at Tel’Veh Café and Wine Bar.

Esther:  I’m gettin’ my holiday on this weekend!  Now that December is upon us, and I have an itching to hear Jingle Bells at least 13,436 times, I am spending my weekend at National Harbor as they celebrate Christmas in full glory.  Starting on Friday, I will don my ugliest sweater and head to Bobby McKeys for Armed Forces & Ugly Sweater Appreciation night.  Whether they are appreciating ugly sweaters or just the Armed Forces is unclear, but I will be there with my blinking Rudolph sweater nevertheless to enjoy $5 happy hour specials.  For dessert, I will head over to the Peeps & Company store for free peepster cookies and hot chocolate during their weekly Friday night holiday festivities.  While I am there, I may have to invest in marshmallow-bunny shaped mittens so I’ll be warm during the nightly holiday entertainment, harbor light show and fireworks.  Saturday will find me back at National Harbor continuing the winter festivities, starting with a stroll through their holiday market, finding everything I need to deck my halls and fill my belly with Christmas treats.  Also filling his belly like a bowl full of jelly will be Santa, who is going to be riding the carousel from noon to 2 pm and then working off the treats with a triple axle at  National Harbor’s brand new Ice Rink from 2 to 4 pm.  After assuring Santa that I have been a good girl this year, I will prove it by offering to buy him dinner at Stonewall Kitchen where Chef Marco will be doing cooking demonstrations and have his Italian culinary creations available for sampling.  Finally, I will attempt to complete my Christmas shopping at the more than 40 retail shops in National Harbor and hope at least one of them will be playing holiday music.  I need my Feliz Navidad fix.

Ho-Ho-Ho-Holidays are upon us. And therefore it’s time to get your last concerts of 2013 in. Mickey, Rachel and I have rounded up our recommendations for the shows you should hit in order to round out the 2013 DC concert year.

Historically speaking, slow holiday times make good times for rocking out and there’s solid representation from local bands, so keep reading after the jump for the goods.

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It seems as if many (most?) of you were still suffering from Thanksgiving hangovers and food comas this weekend so our Flashback is a little light. No worries, we’ve still got some good stuff to look through. Continue reading →

It was a fitting ending for Washington in the loss that mathematically eliminated them from the playoffs. The end of Washington’s loss to New York was one of the most bizarre series of events to end a game since Saturday’s Iron Bowl. A second down pass looked like it was a yard short of a first down but the refs singled for a first down and the chains moved. Washington went for a deep pass that was dropped by Fred Davis and then followed that up with a pass to Pierre Garcon that was good for a first down but was ripped from Garcon’s hands by a New York defensive back to seal the game.

It was bizarre but it was so Washington. The game started out with promise as the offense, defense, and even special teams came out sharp and ready to play. Washington scored on their opening drive for the first time all season and then forced Eli Manning to go three and out before taking a 14-0 lead. New York would end up tying it up before the half and then Washington’s coaching came into play.

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It was a game a lot like the first meeting between Philadelphia and Washington. Philadelphia jumped out to an early lead as Washington’s defense couldn’t figure out how to stop them, and then in the second half everything changed and the defense was getting stops and the offense making plays, but it was all too little too late. There was almost a miraculous comeback this time, but if Washington could have done anything in the first half of the game then maybe they wouldn’t have even been in the position of needing a comeback.

The final throw of the afternoon for Robert Griffin ended up in the hands of Philadelphia’s secondary. That is still his biggest flaw. He believes he can do everything, that he can make all the plays, and that he can  win all the games on his own. This season he is learning he cannot, and he needs a coach that will instruct him on how to play within his abilities instead of criticizing him for trying to make something special happen on every play. The Robert Griffin and Mike Shanahan relationship will soon be at an end. Shanahan isn’t going to allow himself to be a lame duck coach and after this season the last thing he deserves is an extension.

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This was a game Washington needed. The NFC East is so bad that even with only two wins on the season Washington is not out of it, but each week they fail to make up ground puts them further behind and much closer to being out of it. It is easy to call this game a must win as it is every remaining game on Washington’s schedule it is rare for teams to turn around a season much like Washington did last season at 3-6 and it is even more rare to see a team do it two seasons in a row.

It has become hard to believe in Washington finding success this year, and in order to do so they had to beat San Diego. With under a minute to play and San Diego just having a touchdown overturned they had first and goal on the one yard line. This is as close to an automatic touchdown as teams get in the NFL, and yet San Diego couldn’t convert. The Washington defense put up a goal line stand when they were needed most to force San Diego to kick a game tying field goal. When overtime started Washington got the ball and the win as they drove down the field on ten plays.

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Only the most die hard Washington fans thought that their football team would have much of a chance against Peyton Manning and the high powered Denver offense, but they did more than have a chance. Washington entered the fourth quarter with a seven point lead, but that quickly evaporated as John Fox went for it on fourth down and Peyton Manning found Joel Dreessen on a one yard touchdown pass. Washington would then quickly go three and out on three straight passes, two that hit receiver’s hands. Sav Rocca would shank the punt and Peyton Manning and Knowshon Mereno would run a perfectly executed screen that gave Denver a seven point lead.

It was a lead that they wouldn’t relinquish as on the next possession Robert Griffin would fumble the football, Denver would recover, and Peyton Manning would march them down the field for yet another score. Peyton Manning is one of the best quarterbacks of all time and while there was some hope when Washington went up by fourteen points there was still a quarter and a half for Manning to play and he has come back from larger deficits in less time than that.

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After 86 combined points and eight lead changes the Washington/Chicago game finally came to the end with the Chicago back-up quarterback, Josh McCown, laying on the turf after being sacked by Barry Cofield. This was the most complete game Washington has played this season. Two out of three facets of the game played well enough to win and special teams kept Chicago in the game. It was more an early interception that led to a Chigaco touchdown by RGIII, a punt return for a touchdown by Devin Hester, and multiple penalties by Brandon Meriweather. If not for those plays Washington could have had a more comfortable victory. A victory worthy of 45 points and 499 offensive yards.

The important part of the game is that Washington won. The other part is that Brandon Meriweather should no longer be on an NFL playing field. He is a dangerous player that plays like he is trying to knock everyone out, including his own teammates, instead of playing the position of safety. Meriweather is not a good football player and when he is on the field does more harm to Washington’s efforts than good. They need someone there and with one draft pick out for the season, another in the Shanahan doghouse, and Reed Doughty facing a concussion Washington may have no other choice than using Meriweather, when he isn’t suspended.

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Coming off the release of their debut album, Wildewoman, Lucius – the infectious Brooklyn-based quintet – kicked off their North American tour with a sold out performance at the Rock N’ Roll Hotel last night.

The group opened with a fantastic cover of John Lennon’s  Free As A Bird featuring a strong guitar backbone and the amazing vocal harmonies of lead vocalists Jess Wolfe and Holly Laessig. The ladies were rocking their signature 60s style with blunt bang, fierce bobs and lime green, shoulder pad heavy jackets. The entire performance Wolfe and Laessig faced each other surrounded by their keyboards, random percussion toys (Cowbells!) and encircled by the all black wearing lads. The group was on their feet the entire performance giving the room an immediate sense of energy and engagement. Continue reading →

Let’s not dwell on this one too long. It was likely the ceremonial end of Washington’s season, but the chances already weren’t good at 1-3 and now at 1-4 they are even worse. Let’s examine this loss from a couple different areas, or let’s not. There are going to be plenty of columns by smarter people than me breaking down what went wrong on special teams, offense, and defense, but mainly special teams.

For many the problem with the Redskins last season was Danny Smith. He is gone and the special teams unit isn’t much better. They allowed one big punt return for a touchdown and a kick-off return that set-up a touchdown, and could never get anything going themselves. It is hard to think of the last good or even decent Washington return man not named Brian Mitchell and he might even be able to step out of the studio and do a better job than the guys they are putting out there now, but the special team issues aren’t limited to special teams. Washington defenders suffer from an allergy to pig skin. That has to be the answer when it comes to there issue with tackling the ball carrier.

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Government shutdown got you down in the dumps? Looking for something to make you forget the pain and just simply put some fun back into your life? Then this evening’s debut of the KABIN‘s Decades happy hour is your ticket. You’ll get to rub shoulders with a true C-lister (isn’t that pretty much everyone in Congress’ celeb status?) while grabbing solid happy hour specials and rocking to hits from different eras.

Starting at 6pm, the party kicks off with special guest host Dennis Haskins. “Dennis who?!!” you say. OK, he’s better known as Mr. Belding from that legendary show of shows Saved By The Bell.
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