Here’s my memo to all news outlets: Light-hearted euphemisms for assault, particularly sexual assault, are offensive.

“The Georgetown Cuddler” was an insultingly cute way to refer to a man who would break into people’s homes and assault them while they slept. I was willing to grade on a slight curve since this was such an odd sort of crime, but that gets you very little slack.

Here’s one where you get no slack, WaPo: it is not possible in any state in the union for an adult to have a “sexual relationship” with a 13-year-old. A 13-year-old – particularly not one in a student-teacher relationship with a person – cannot give consent to an adult.

If you can’t bring yourself to call rape rape, by all means, fall back on local law terminology and say sexually abused (DC ST § 22-3002). Modern district law, which wasn’t yet passed when this alleged incident would have occurred in the 80s, even tacks on a 1.5x modifier for someone in an authority position – say, a teacher or coach (DC ST § 22-3020).

But it is no more a relationship than I am acquainted with someone who says “hello” to me before stabbing me in an alley.

Don Whiteside

Well I used to say something in my profile about not quite being a “tinker, tailor, soldier, or spy” but Tom stole that for our about us page, so I guess I’ll have to find another way to express that I am a man of many interests.

Hmm, guess I just did.

My tastes run the gamut from sophomoric to Shakespeare and in my “professional” life I’ve sold things, served beer, written software, and carried heavy objects… sometimes at the same place. It’s that range of loves and activities that makes it so easy for me to love DC – we’ve got it all.