Jack and the Capitol 2
courtesy of tbridge

Hey there everyone. Tom and Tiff are currently being held captive in a basement of a Los Angeles bodega Dupont-area shop  so I’m going to be judging tonight’s battering of our beloved down. Jack don’t want to hurt you, DC, but you just make Jack so ANGRY….

Top of the hour means recap time to catch you up to date. I think this is the one where Jack faces a moral quandary and does what he has to in order to protect America. At the end of the last episode some extended gunplay had led to tragedy: over a dozen cases of Negra Modelo and Modelo Especial were broken and the beer sprayed everywhere.

Oh, and the First Dude got shot too.

Let’s go!

4:00 and they’re coming into the not-Dupont shop. Agent Freckles has barked at high volume that the first dude was shot but don’t spread it around. Look at the upside, at least he’s not a journalist with a headwound.

Then again, there’s no such thing as a West Arlington Hospital, so how bad can the care be?

4:05 and the quickest clearance process ever is taking place in the Oval Office. Where’s your SF86, Buchanan?4:07 and Debaku is chattin up his lady in the cleanest alley our area has never seen. Where’s the tranny crack addict having emmmm ‘an interlude’ in the background?[NSFW]

4:09 Roosevelt Continental Hotel? Ummm okay. At least they said traffic will be bad, which narrows it down to about 64 square miles of DC.

4:12 2191 Euclid. Still no quadrant. Amusingly it’s an actual address…. in Long Beach, CA. I’m gonna give you a little benefit of the doubt and pretend it’s a VA address and you’re in Clarendon so I don’t have to throw this beer at the tv. Enough beer has suffered for this show.

Oh, a commercial for Lie to Me, the DC-set show that makes 24 look like Google Street View.

4:15 and we’re back. Chloe and her jackass bald hubbie are driving in a car with DC plates, which they went out of their way to show us. Twice. Never seen buses that color in our area though. Nice to see the TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION flashed up in large, though.

4:18 and they’ve claimed the Euclid address is in Mt. Pleasant. So much for my rationalization.

4:22 and we’re in a pretty marble-filled hotel talking about the mythical Taft Airfield. Unless you’re near Rochester, NY.

4:31 This must be the West Arlington hospital. The surgeon says First Dude’s gonna be there for five hours, which still leaves another twelve hours of show afterwards. Oh, and the country elected a President with an estranged daughter who works at a consulting firm? This is more fiction than the SF86-less security clearance!

4:39 Chloe smack-talks the network setup while writing down a 7 character cellphone identifier so she can uniquely identify one of the 159,000,000 cell phone users in the US and we’re off to commercial.

4:46 “We’re not lobbyists” says Olivia “Snotty brat First Daughter” Taylor. Yeah, because nobody in this town ever exerted some influence while unregistered and failed to pay their taxes and is Tom Daschle. Whups, my subtlety module failed. Chloe wouldn’t approve of how it’s configured either I bet.

4:49 And it’s time to leave Mt Pleasant, south on 14th. Well, that would mean Columbia Heights but I’ll cut you some slack on that, it’s only a few blocks.

More Lie to Me commercials. I liked the premiere episode where they go to Dulles Airport on the outside and LAX on the inside.

4:55 and Dubaku’s lady asks how much further. I’d like to know too, but any DC resident would know heading south on 14th that there’s noplace closer than National they could be headed in that direction. Left on Connecticut? Are they flying out from the Rayburn building?

Wait, 14th to Ct to Mass to N? Through Dupont? What? I’m gonna have to rewind this to parse it out but I’m confident that path made no sense. At the very least you cannot get from Mass to N – N doesn’t connect to the circle.

And now Jack’s down on the ground in the middle of the street. Where’s the pothole or metal plate?

Wow, and we’re done. FBI traitor revealed, though only to us. In her quest to learn the truth about cats, dogs, and Chloe it looks like Ms Garofalo is going to be fingered as the peeper.

I’m done here, folks. See you next week!