Leave Your Explosives at Home

T.N.T by Podknox

If you were thinking about riding your bike to the Mall on Sunday, wearing a backpack full of explosives and your pet giraffe in tow – think again.  According to DC’s Inauguration site, you can basically bring your clothed body, but leave your “pot to pee in” at home.  Here’s a breakdown of the restricted items (after the jump):

  • Firearms
    • Unless it’s a squirt gun or one of those guns where a flag pops out of the barrel, it’s best to leave your AK-47 tucked away under your bed.
  • Ammunition
    • If you can’t bring your gun, leave the bullets in your freezer.  What are you going to do, throw the bullets at someone?  Ouch!
  • Explosives
    • While it would be fun to drop a stick of Dynamite in the Reflecting Pool (big splash!), leave your box of TNT tucked safely out in your tool shed.  You don’t want to end up on the Fed’s terrorist list now do you?
  • Weapons of any kind
    • I’m pretty sure this includes box cutters and brass knuckles, but if you even think it might be a weapon, just leave it on your nightstand.
  • Aerosols
    • You shouldn’t have any aerosols anyway.  They’re bad for the ozone layer, dummy!
  • Supports for signs
    • See the sign restriction below.  If you need support for a 6″ x 4″ sign, you’re bringing a picture frame which could potentially be used as a weapon.
  • Packages
    • Heh heh.  “Package”.  I’m totally bringing mine.  Try and stop me!
  • Coolers
    • Are you seriously still drinking Bartles & James?  That’s like so junior high.  You should be embarrassed.
  • Thermal or Glass containers
    • Nope, no bongs allowed either.  These rule makers are about as much fun as going hunting with Dick Cheney.
  • Backpacks
    • If you can’t bring a bong, there’s no reason to have a backpack.  Oh wait, but where will you put your weed?  In your friend’s backpack, that’s where.
  • Bags and signs exceeding the size restrictions of 6″ X4″X8″
    • Basically, if you can’t fit it in your mouth, don’t bring it.
  • Laser Pointers
    • If you shoot Bono in the eye with a laser pointer, prepare for The Edge to snap you in half.  Save your laser pointers for Gallery Place movie theater fun!
  • Animals other than helper/guide dogs
    • Seriously, you don’t want your cougar to attack Bono do you?  There will be enough cougars in the audience as it is (maybe even a puma or two too!).
  • Structures
    • I’m not sure if this means your son’s toothpick suspension bridge school project or that terrible clothing store from the 80’s that sold bold colored square pattern shirts.
  • Bicycles
    • Don’t worry, there are plenty of other ways to get in, out, and around DC!  Here, I’ll name them for you:
      • Walking
      • Crawling
      • Skipping
      • Running
  • Any other items determined to be a potential safety hazard
    • Suitcase nukes?  Nope.  That strange cloud that’s been following you all the way from Ben’s Chili Bowl?  Nope.  The girl you picked up at Stetsons?  You seriously haven’t ditched her yet?

That is all.  Have fun at the show and post your photos in our Flickr pool!

Hailing from the Mile High City, Max has also lived in Tinsel Town, the Emerald City, as well as the City of Brotherly Love. Now a District resident, he likes to write about cool photos by local photographers, the DC restaurant and bar scene, or anything else that pops into his mind.

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