I love me the BMW Mini Cooper. The cars are damn cute, very fuel efficient, and packed with all kinds of techno-gizmos that make driving the little cars a dream. Even better, with their tiny size they can fit into any parking space.

So why in the hell did this arrogant asshole decide to park his Mini in the exact center of a huge space on a Sunday?

That spot, with his car, could fit a whole other car with enough room to not need a rubber bumper. To me, such a Mini parking space offense is almost equal to those who get a whole other memo. If you have a small car, park right, take up a small car spot.

Otherwise, you are yet another arrogance defined.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

The City Paper is reporting that:

According to a press release received by City Desk this morning, the Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute of Washington D.C. is now open. About goddamn time!

And we here at Metroblogging DC could not agree more. Right up there with cosmetic surgery and fake boobs, DC needs more women thinking that the surgeon’s knife is the key to happiness. Don’t believe me? Just read the press release:

For many women, the search for a better sexual experience has been a life-long quest. Magic pills, creams and various physical exercises have long touted their sexual enhancement claims to no avail.

“As a woman’s body experiences child birth and the natural aging process, the muscles and ligaments surrounding the vagina can become weakened or relaxed causing decreased sexual gratification,” says Christopher Warner, M.D, FACOG, Founder of the Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute of Washington D.C, ,

“Because sexual gratification for the woman is directly related to the amount of frictional forces generated during intercourse. The LVR procedure restores strength to the vaginal canal that results in more friction and a better sexual experience.”

Yep, that’s right, its all about vaginal friction. No need for romance, foreplay, clitoral stimulation or even an attentive sexual partner – just an Energizer Rabbit pounding away and women of DC can re-achieve the joy of yesteryear.

And to go along with this new unachievable and dubious metric of feminine beauty and sexuality; diet pills like Proven, weight loss fads, and anorexia are for sale on insecurity aisle three.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

The Market Square mascots

The Alexandria Volunteer Fair treated us pretty well, as it turned out – the weather was okay on Saturday (at least during show hours – what the hell happened that evening?) and just beautiful on Sunday. We were fortunate enough to be assigned a booth that had its back against the fountain, allowing us to spend the quiet moments watching these two ducks, who apparently make their primary home in the fountain.

When I commented on how the female duck was always the one to decide to go from one spot in the fountain to the other and how the male simply followed her around, my darling girlfriend called him “devoted.” I suggested an alternate word.

The bruise has just about healed.

Otherwise it was nice having them around to watch. If you go by and see them, thank them for the company.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Today’s Metroblogging DC Caption Contest stars this photograph from the Washington Post article “Senate Panel Hears String of Impassioned Appeals” as I am speechless with its juxtaposition of expressions.

The reader who submits the best caption to this photograph in the comments section below, will receive a Metroblogging DC T-shirt. Extra points if Eleanor Holmes Norton yeilds no ground to Adrian Fenty.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

It’s not surprising to me that shock jocks behave badly. This is a capitalist society, and as long as we (collectively) create a market for shock jocks, people like Opie and Anthony will continue to push the envelope, just like car companies will continue to build SUVs as long as there are suburban yuppies who want to buy them. To a certain extent, we have no one but ourselves to blame for the Imuses and Opie & Anthonies of the world.

It’s a little surprising that DC-based XM, which is not subject to FCC regulations, suspended Opie and Anthony. But hey, if I owned a broadcasting company and my on-air talent made jokes about how fun it would be to watch the look of “horror” on a woman’s face as she’s being raped, I’d fire their asses. Like, before the end of the show. Without apology. Not because they don’t have a First Amendment right to say it, but because their rights do not require me to provide salaries or studio space for them while they do. And because their rights do not require their employer to lose ad money or subscriber revenue in the name of “Creative Freedom.”

So I think Jim Treacher is full of shit when he calls it “censorship”. It’s not censorship; it’s capitalism. (Comedy Central has an agreement with Trey Parker and Matt Stone, creators of “South Park” that’s at least honest about it. They can do whatever they want, but Comedy Central will show episodes in advance to advertisers. If the advertisers stay in, the show airs. If they want to pull their ads, the show doesn’t.)

It’s worth noting that the terrestrial radio version of the Opie & Anthony show has lost advertising from none other than Trojan condoms over this incident. How tasteless do you have to be when the company who gave us the “Trojan Man” commercials decides you’re bad for its image?

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Kilts and bagpipes abound, and you’ve surely noticed cops driving in from everywhere, garbed in various modes of dress uniform, mingling with the standard crowds of tourists at the sights. It’s Police Week in Washington, DC, when policefolk from around the country converge on the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial at Judiciary Square to commemorate their fallen comrades. At right, a short video I took of some of the parade that came down New Jersey Ave NW and turned on to E St NW toward the Memorial. Kilts and bagpipes make everything awesome.

The ironic down side to all this police presence is that they’re not here to fight crime so much as to kick back, drink up, and party hard; so the nights of National Police Week are often reminiscent of a series of Saint Patrick’s Day celebrations, but with lots more motorcycles, drag racing, and firearms. This old Boston Globe excerpt from an email archived on a humor site refers to Police Week as “law enforcement’s version of spring break,” highlighting the hijinks of an especially boisterous group of NYC cops in 1996:

…they set off fire alarms and slid naked down the beer-soaked railing of a hotel escalator. According to Georgetown Cafe manager Jamil Manna, 29, the cops were drunk at 4:00 a.m. when they flashed their badges so he would give them a table quickly. After eating, they ran out, with Manna at their heels.

Manna jumped into a cab to chase them, but the cops hailed the very cab Manna was in. When Manna confronted them, one officer showed a gun and threatened to “blow Manna’s brains out.” D.C. detective J.C. stamps said the incident marred festivities that were otherwise peaceful.

If you need me tonight, I’ll have my head covered in about two dozen pillows to try and drown out the noise of the rowdy hellraisers revving their engines and drag racing up and down North Capitol Street, like they do every single year for National Police Week. Party on, America’s Finest.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

The Alexandria Young Republicans want you to come out to the First Annual Dick Cheney Paintball Tournament this June. It’s only $45 and comes with a picnic lunch and a kickass t-shirt.

You do know what Tara Reid said to Dick Cheney, right? Not the face!

Okay, sorry, not funny.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

What is up with this slacking DC drivers? The annual AutoAdvantage survey of the meanest drivers only ranks you 5th in America. Somehow Miami took the top spot.

Okay, so they have sweltering summer sun baking a mix of hot Latin blood and very loose gun laws into road-raged perfect. But that doesn’t mean DC should be so nice.

We have a suburban SUV armada, rampant snowball fights on the Beltway, and even phallic tow truck drivers. And we can do better than 5th place.

I want to feel your rage this summer, Washington DC. I wanna see fist-fights over parking spaces, gun play on the Beltway, and just to make sure Miami drops back, a good cocaine-fulled, multi-state car chase involving at least four different types of special police.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

When my Dad sent me the photos, I didn’t believe them. I grew up in an agricultural metropolis, the site of the University of California’s Ag program, and surrounded by farmland on all sides. Sure, we crammed 60,000 people into the town, and managed to keep it nicely appointed, but it was still a farmtown. And those photos? Wild turkeys running up one of the main thoroughfares. One of those odd things you just wouldn’t expect to see, even in a farm town.

This morning, I was sitting on Constitution Ave about halfway between the Roosevelt Bridge and White House, when traffic ground to a halt. Passing by was a series of MPD officers on bicycles (and in helmets, good for them) and a chaser car. I made it another block before traffic ground to a halt. A park official was standing in the intersection at 18th and Constitution blocking traffic and beckoning forth another park official.

Who lead a momma duck and her three little ducklings across Constitution.

Yes, we do break for ducks, even here in DC.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Photo by DC Metroblogger

How do you exit your flight at DCA? Do you use one of them fancy jetways? How boring.

If you are a cool cat like this Ebony beauty, you exit the right way, from the ass-end of the plane on the super-secret WMAA as NATO stairwell.

From there it’s a short walk across the tarmac to the DCA side door and the awaiting terminals.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Felipe Lopez

Originally uploaded by tbridge.

The Nats had one helluva weekend, it seems! As we drove through horse country and western Maryland to visit Tiff’s family, we listened to Friday’s game and marvelled as the Nationals managed to battle out a victory over the Marlins on the strength of their bullpen and their magically-appearing-offense. Shawn Hill no-hit the Marlins for five innings, and left only when he injured his elbow in the sixth inning.

Saturday brought a real dogfight of a game, with multiple rain delays and a tie ballgame at 3 come the bottom of the ninth. Fortunately, Ryan Zimmerman came through big for the Nationals, going yard with the bases loaded (warning, will launch QuickTime or Windows Media Player) and walking off the victor.

Sunday’s contest was a little more hotly contested, with a few situations that I’m sure Jason Simontacchi might like to forget, but in the end, they came out the victors. The Nats come out with their first .500 week of the season, their first series win and their first series sweep. Ideally, we’d have had all these things back in early to mid April, but it’s better late than never.

Overall Record: 12-25, last in the NL East
Games Back: 12
Projected Record: 51-111

What’s up this week? Well, the Braves are in town for four games, one of which will be started by the Nats Levale Speigner, who’s never gone more than 3 innings. Ever. Then the O’s come down from Baltimore. The O’s, who lost two dramatic games at Fenway this weekend. As Chris Needham said: “After that, the Bloworioles come to town, bringing their disease-laden fans to town. If you go next week, bring some baby wipes to sterilize your seat; who knows what kind of communicable disease you could catch.”

Also, be ready to boo anyone who shouts “OH” during the National Anthem.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

City Notebook 4

Originally uploaded by tbridge.

“For every travelller who has any taste of his own, the only useful guidebook will be the one which he himself has written.” — Aldous Huxley

When I got my Moleskine DC City Notebook a week or so ago, this quote was inscribed on the bottom of the first page. How true it is, to have a local’s view of a city. So, I’ve begun writing my own guide to DC to give to visiting friends and family while they’re out and about, and to have them fill themselves.

The notebook is sturdily bound, comes with three ribbons to mark various places (allowing one to have a map marked, as well as a spot in the guidebook and one in the blank pages, which is fairly handy. In addition, there are Color Maps of the City (with Metro stops!) and a fold out Metro Map so that you can easily get around.

In addition to a series of 70 some blank pages, there are a serious of sectioned pages, designed for various experiences to be encapsulated in a nutshell of a few lines. These sections include “Places, legends and recipes” and “Bars, wineries, stories” and other combinations of literal and metaphysical objects.

The back of the journal contains a lovely pocket to stuff your metro ticket, or a few other small things of local color, as well as a parcel of tracing paper to use with the maps or other things.

The only complaint I really have about it is that it only comes in the small 3 1/2″x5 1/2″ size instead of the larger 5″ x 8 1/4″ which I find easier to grip and write in. I almost feel like I have to obsess over each and every character, which is annoying. But, if you’re looking for an awesome city project, maybe perfect for a summer intern, hook someone up with one of these and let them go to town.

Moleskine has a city blog for those users of their new notebooks, but I think we’re getting the shaft here in DC as we don’t have one yet. I think that needs to get fixed, don’t you?

Pick up a City Notebook at Moleskine US for $17.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

This sign is one of many in Clarendon, right around the Metro entrance. Am I reading this right? Is there really no parking any time except certain hours on Wednesdays for market vendors? Or is it supposed to mean no parking on Wednesdays from 12-7 except for market vendors and parking is legal the rest of the time?

I see people parking at these spots all week long, so I would guess these signs are just confusing representations of the real law. Plus, there are meters at all these spots, so it makes sense that the county would want to have the spots in use as much as possible. Does anyone know if I am right on this score? Any Arlington County parking enforcement people reading this blog who can shed some light on the subject?

Maybe it’s because my degree is in writing and editing and I have had years of training and work in picking stuff apart but the signs seem a bit nonsensical.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

I’m sure that you’ve heard about the murder in Petworth two weekends ago, Cornelius Broadus was shot and killed in the 800 block Taylor Street alley about 11:50p.m. that Saturday.

And I’m sure you’ve seen the Washington Post article last weekend on neighbourhood message boards getting testy about local issues. So I bet you are wondering what the Petworth message board might have to say about the shooting. Here’s a choice post by Nathan that got everyone’s blood boiling:

Not to be callous or anything. But, this isn’t news. Who cares? I mean really. These young guys hang on the corners selling drugs into the wee hours in the morning. So what he got murdered! That’s the cost they pay to do business?

So in that sense, the world is rid of one unproductive animal. Hell, if it wasn’t against the law, I’d love to kill a couple of them myself! Petworth will be all the better with his passing. The gall of the victim to expect the police to give him cover from the robbers and killers? I say good riddance.

Let the drug dealers, robbers, and the killers have at each other. And for the lucky ones that survive, hopefully the police can take care of them. I’ll just buy more prison stock and try to recoup some of my taxes spent feeding the animals that don’t learn their lesson from this.

Before you think Petworth would stand for such a comment, know that Nathan was quickly chastised by the group with choice comments like this one from Diego:

I think most people would agree that your email comes off as a bit crazy. Threatening to kill random strangers who you perceive as being “unproductive animals” puts you at the same level as the person who pulled the trigger the other night. You sound like Cho, the VT killer.

I think you should seek counseling ASAP or move to another state where your tax money isn’t “spent feeding the animals that don’t learn the lesson from this.” I hope you never get a chance to teach anyone a lesson…

And then the debate spiraled out from there, touching on the victim’s family, police littering, and even our collective ancestry. Ah, the joys of hyper-local neighborhood listervs. What are your favorites and favorite topics of discussion?

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

After I hung up the phone I put Mother’s Day out of my mind and agreed with my lovely wife that we should go out for lunch. I had made the requisite call to my mother this morning. She told me last week, “The only thing I want for Mother’s Day is for my son to call me now and then.” So, full of guilt, I called her. I guess that makes me a good son.

When my wife and I got to Clarendon, we found that Whitlow’s on Wilson had people spilling out the door, waiting for a table. The next place we tried was full as well. Then we got to Faccia Luna on Wilson Blvd. and found that it was nearly empty. Good news for us, I suppose, but I wondered what it meant that a restaurant was almost empty on the biggest restaurant day of the year, with surrounding venues full of mothers and people who love them.

Faccia Luna was as good a place as I have been to recently. Its gourmet-style offerings sounded good on the menu. Elise had the Agnolotti con Mozzarella. I had no idea what agnolotti meant. It turned out to be a type of pasta that looked suspiciously like ravioli. I don’t know what the difference might be. It came with a creamy pesto sauce that looked really delicious. I was too busy with my pizza to get a taste.

I went for the Pomodoro pizza, which was a nice pairing of fresh tomatoes and garlic. Before ordering, I had to get something cleared up. Faccia Luna had the appearance of the type of trendy place that made wimpy sauceless pizzas. I can’t abide by that. Sure enough, they do have some sauceless pizzas labeled “white” but the lion’s share of the pies come with a sauce, just the way God intended. It was delicious. Great toppings, tasty sauce and a wonderful hand-tossed crust.

If you are in Clarendon, be sure to check out Faccia Luna. It has excellent food. The mystery remains – why weren’t there more people there today? My mother lives in Raleigh, NC, so I couldn’t have taken her there. What’s your excuse for denying your Mom such a wonderful dining experience?

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

I know I’ve written about this before, but there is a wealth of photographic opportunity at our National Zoo. Our zoo is easy to get to, nearly always open, and free, but yet I’ve only gone there to shoot once. I just wish I knew the best time of day to go there to 1) avoid tons of tourists with their screaming babies and 2) to see most of the animals out and about instead of sleeping in their caves.

Someone who seems to be more motivated than me is Flickr’s tnt.dc. He/she has some great photos from the zoo, this amazing flamingo shot included. These birds are so exotic and have such amazing color. I love that you’re immediately drawn to the bird’s eye and then see the rest of the beauty surrounding it. The simple black background really accentuates the bird’s fantastic color.

It’s 10:30 on a Sunday morning. My golf partner canceled on me due to a hangover or lack of interest. Should I do my laundry for the week or pack up my camera, the 70-200mm, and a tripod? Hmmm. Decisions, decisions.

Update: 11:45 AM. I decided to go to the zoo to see if the animals were feeling photogenic. As I drove by the entrance on Connecticut Avenue, I noticed swarms of baby strollers, and many, many, MOTHERS. Evidently it’s a popular idea to go to the zoo on Mother’s Day. Is this what Mom’s like to do? I decided to brave it, but on my walk from my car to the zoo I stopped in my tracks. I forgot to bring any memory cards for my camera. Damn. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be today.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Photo by DC Metroblogger

No matter if you like your women with curves or not, squinty eyes or round, even Latin or African, or just straight up all-American, this town has serious talent.

That I even have a snowball’s chance in Hell with such beautiful women is reason number 50 why I love Washington DC.

Any honest guy will agree, in DC we play in the big leagues even if we are really JV. Before the women claim its due to a sex imbalance, its not. We men with our sh*t together benefit from a lack of decent competition.

Even cosmopolitan Washington suffers from a abundance of men who put sports over sensuality. Here though, women know better and want more.

So for the few of us who can deliver, we have the pick of the litter.

Tonight’s talent is case in point. A whole crew of beauties, including my clock-stopping hottie, who actually talk to me.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

This here is a full-size model of the James Webb Space Telescope. It’s been sitting on the National Mall this past week, with NASA/Goddard/Northrop personnel hovering about it, answering questions about the project and science involved:

The JWST is NASA’s next-generation deep space orbital imaging platform after Hubble, Chandra, and Spitzer. Named for the second Chief High Pan-Galactic Overlord of NASA (no relation), the JWST is scheduled to launch in 2013 and position itself at L2, from where its massive mirror and infrared-optimized optics will peer through millions and billions of light years, through space dust and red shift, perhaps to the beginning of time itself, possibly unlocking the secret answer to life, the universe and everything.

Oh, and if you haven’t seen it yet, well, you missed it. Today was the last day. Nothing else till 2013. Sorry. Oh, don’t cry. Here are more photos I took of the JWST, just for you:

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

Photo by DC Metroblogger

This is my friend Shoshana and I am getting her drunk at her birthday/moving away party. While cool cats like her are reason number 46 why I love DC, here is reason number 47.

People in Washington DC move to cool places, not, say Baltimore. Shoshana is moving to Banda Aceh.

Reason number 48? Chances are you even know where that is.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs

What is your favorite neighbourhood blog? For a while now, and even before I moved into the neighbourhood, mine has been Prince of Petworth, for the witty writing, the funny frog logo, and the wild comments.

Once I became an actual Petworthian, I set out to meet the man behind the screen. His site’s playful demeanor that makes it fun to read online has all hallmarks of a fun personality behind the scenes. But try as I might, our paths did not cross.

Alas, last night, as my clock-stopping hottie and I were chilling on the Temperance Hall back patio, talking about our day, I uttered the fateful line that gets me into so much these days: “As a Metroblogging DC writer…”

Then, like a frog becoming a prince, I hear a voice behind me call out: “Are you Wayan?” And before I could duck and run, my usual response to a random shout-out, PoP was introducing himself. Less than a drink later, you know what had to happen:

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs