It was a hot and sweaty night this summer when I met Melanie Boyer, the Washington City Paper’s About Last Night.. columnist. Hoping to add her to the supermodel harem, I did my best drunk Wayan moves – divining her undergarments down to type and model of manufacture.

Unimpressed, I was slighted for a hot vet, but we kept in touch none the less, which is fortuitous for all. After scooting out from underneath a heap of work we can once again concentrate on a favorite subject: sex.

Better yet, we’ve done a two-part interview series all about it. Best of all, we used porn judo and both posts are relatively safe for work!

Now, if you would be so kind as to join us after the jump, you’ll learn the amazing answer to tantalizing questions like:

Straight or curved? Cut or uncut? Trimmed or wild? Length or girth? What matters most? Or does it matter at all?

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs
Wayan: You’re the dating expert, right? Then what’s your success rate? How many dates become lovers? How many lovers? Yeah, I asked that first: how many are on your roster?

Melanie: I see, you want to know how many men have graced my bed, or the back seat of my car, or my piano bench, or what have you? The number is lower than you think. It’s demonstrative of my approach to sex and to men and the fact that I was a bit of late sexual bloomer.

I didn’t start in high school, like so many other people, and I didn’t hit my stride ’til I hit my sexual peak. The number also includes some quality men, some fun men, and some bad experiences, as does everyone’s number.

I’m hardly a dating expert, and that’s reflected in the blog. I rarely give out advice and don’t claim to be the gate keeper or the key master or anything else. What I write about reflects my attempts at navigating human relationships, between men and women, father and daughter, husband and wife, widow and orphan.

I write about sex, but I also write about love, because I would be doing the human race a great disservice if all I did was write about sex and called that the extent of love.

Agreed, love is not just sex. Then I must ask: have you ever been in love. Not lust or youthfully crushes, but serious deep love? If so (and I hope so) what happened?

Oh yes, I loved my college boyfriend madly. He was the only one. He’s married now, to someone who’s not me, because when he asked me, I said no. I loved him seriously and deeply, but in the end, we weren’t right for each other. I’m not sure how that works, how you can love someone that much, but not want to spend the rest of your life with them. But I said no, joined the Peace Corps, and he’s married to someone else. That’s how it worked. I’m not sad about it; I don’t regret it, and I wouldn’t change it.

Now that love is lost, and you got lost in the Peace Corps trying to get away, what’s your favorite DC pick-up stop and why? When were you there last & looking? And how drunk were you?

I rarely drink. I get up and table dance when I’m sober, so drinking is really unnecessary. It’s one of my greatest gifts, I think. Makes going out on the weekends much cheaper.

The last pick-up spot I had any success with was Adams Mill Grill at Doggie Happy Hour. They host it every Friday. Bring your own dog. Last time I brought the panty eating dog

If you were to find a man at doggy happy hour, do you have a preference on what he’s packing? Straight or curved? Cut or uncut? Trimmed or wild? Length or girth? What matters most? Or does it matter at all?

Straight or curved matters, it hits the G-spot differently. Trimmed, makes oral sex more enjoyable. Length, girth, etc. it all matters, but only to a degree.

It’s been said before, but if you know what to do with it, and with your hands and your mouth and the look in your eyes and the way you talk to a woman, that’s what matters the most. A man can be hung like King Kong and that doesn’t matter a shred if he doesn’t make you feel like the only woman in the world with everything else that he does.

Very true, very true. It doesn’t matter if she’s GMU beautiful or hot Don ugly, it’s the spark, the look, the touch that excites the mind and ignites the passion.

This post appeared in its original form at DC Metblogs